This article was supposed to be published last week but I couldn't finish it on time so I figured I'll use it this week. Last week, it was all over the blogosphere that former governor of Kogi State, 68years old Idris Ibrahim ,had just married a new wife who was 27years old. Now, that is a 41years age gap between husband and wife. In the days of our grandfathers and great-grandfathers, this kind of marital union was common but in today's world? What are the factors that would make a young woman date or marry someone old enough to be her father? Let's look at some scenarios.
You have just started dating a man and you have an amazing connection. You both have endless and effortless conversations about the many interests you share, he's hilarious and he thinks you are. You think you share the same values in life, you feel like you can be 100% yourself with him. But there's a problem, you are 30 and he's 55. You never considered you will be drawn to someone so much older. But now that you are, you are so torn. Do you turn away what seems to be your perfect match because of the age gap? It's just a case of two kindred spirits being separated by a lot of numerical years. If you follow what seems right, are you setting yourself up for future failure? Usually, we don't question the things that we know in our gut to be in our best interest. Are these irrational concerns or is it your intuition trying to outtalk your infatuation?
In my opinion, there's a lot more than 25years that separates you from your 55 year-old boyfriend or fiancé. He's had a heck of a lot more life experience than you have. You are in your early 30's, a time in life when you are just beginning to be sure of who you are and what you want. You are creating your life while he's already in the prime of his. You need ample time to experience life and mould your own identity. By dating someone so much older you are missing out on being with someone who is in the same phase of life that you are in, someone with whom you can share the joys and pitfalls of discovery. Are you drawn to him because he is settled in life while you are still putting the pieces of yours together?
On the flip side why are you thinking about problems that don't exist. Age is just a number, but love, connection, values, compatibility and chemistry are real. And by the way they are real hard to find in one person, thank your lucky stars that you have found your soul-mate. Some say love is blind and ageless but a sustainable relationship is built on a lot more than just love alone. It takes a certain amount of compatibility to carry you through the decades ahead. But you are the only one who really knows if this relationship is a fit, think beyond the immediate comfort, evaluate your doubts and the source of those doubts and ask yourself if this is what you really want.
The Cons Of Older Men Dating Younger Women
There are many beautiful, sexually active women in their 40's who would make great mates but older men will date younger women because they believe it will make them look younger which is just a myth, no matter how much the older man tries to make the wrinkles disappear, the darn things still keep showing up in the mirror. I actually know of an older man who enjoys dating girls of his daughter's age and the man has aged so much, he even looks older than his age. Older men and younger women use each other, similar to a business arrangement. He's got money, assets, power and security, she's got youth and beauty. Deep down in her heart, is she really happy? Money can make you happy but at the same time there are so many things money cannot buy. If the money runs out or someone richer comes along, she will break the lease, leaving him with an empty wallet or maybe she is not using him. She loves him because he is more patient, laid-back, mature, gentle and understanding than men her age. Still, she's likely to have considered his bucks at some point. I mean you don't see younger women with destitute older men, do you?
Different Energy Levels. At 10pm he's wearing pyjamas while she's got on her dancing shoes, ready to hit the town. He wants a golf cart to drive around the country club while she wants a Porsche to drive around town. Sexually, his libido has waned while she is at her peak. Sure, there is Viagra and Cialis or even Alomo Bitters to help the men these days but these remedies will not actually bust the moves or do the work. The younger woman may seek a younger man outside to satisfy her sexual needs. Some women want to eat their cake and have it at the same time. Keep the moneybag at home and have another man outside who does the work.
Different Lifestyle
While he wants to listen to Ebenezer Obey, she wants to listen to something more contemporary. You cannot have the same interests with such a huge age gap. Yes, some women don't care, she will listen to the Ebenezer Obey with him, just show her the money! Stand by your man? Younger women may not stand by the older guys through the inevitable hard times that comes with growing old and while pursuing younger women, older men miss out on meeting someone who would have been there for them.
There are exceptions of course, Bianca and Ojukwu, RIP, come to mind. Some couples with a huge age gap can have wonderful relationships. There will always be older men who want to be with younger women, most will discover that these relationships don't last and a few will come to their senses and seek women closer to their own age who share common interests and energy levels. But they will have to learn for themselves.
Most of the women who marry much older men are not really happy but they do it for material gain.
ReplyDeleteTrue talk..........
ReplyDeleteI was in this kind of situation and I decided to not go ahead with the marriage,it was a painful decision because the man was a nice man but I just couldn't do it.
ReplyDelete